Empathy - What's All the Fuss About ?!

When writing about self-sympathy, we mention the empathy we provide to ourselves. It's really hard to empathize with others, especially yours, until you can empathize with yourself. In fact, I don't recommend trying to provide empathy to the original when triggered by yourself!

Sympathy with others is no different from when you have empathy for yourself. We focus on three things:

[1] To truly understand the perspectives and experiences of others,

[2] make connections with other people, feel that they were understood and obtained, and

[3] Help others gain deeper insights about their feelings and needs.

Often, empathy is described as standing in someone else's position. Imagine how she sees the world. When I try to truly understand another person's perspective, I literally imagine standing as them instead of them. I hold my body in his / her way and I stand where he / she stands and try to embody his / her presence.

This is not a small feat for several reasons! First, usually when we are talking or discussing with someone, we really listen rather than listen. We focus attention on our reactions. If you think about this, it's really pretty ironic. First, when we concentrate on our reactions, we don't hear what is being said. In that case, our response is completely irrelevant! Second, if you want to hear your own voice, you must be willing to listen! In any case, our needs are not met! When both people are talking and no one is listening, no one is actually communicating! You are just talking. Communication is a two-way way-it involves both listening [ie actually listening] and speaking!

So how do you really listen?

1. Presence: Temporarily place your position on the back burner. It does not mean that you never drop something that is important to you, but that you recognize that you are more likely to be heard when others are heard.

2. Curiosity: Become seriously interested in what is happening for others.

3. Listen to the meaning: Listen not only to the spoken word, but also to the meaning below the word. What is so important in the spoken language? What is the most important thing for this person?

4. Open: Receptive and open, not defensive. They simply share their perspective. It is not the truth of who you are or experience.

5. Reflection: This includes reflecting on what the other party said. You want to make others feel “obtained” or understood.

6. Reframe: Reframe what is said to a language that captures the very important needs of him / her. [For example, you might say "Are you really worried about the happiness of your son?" Or "Do you want to know that your daughter is safe?"]

If you can hear this way, you are more likely to feel that Ex is heard. If this happens, it is likely / he will be able to hear you in return. Your own needs may be met when you hear each other's voice, rather than when you try to convince you that you are right or read his / her riots The sex will be much higher!

You can hear what you are saying to yourself [or if you are speaking like me!], But he / she never listens and I always do Masu! I would probably suggest that you haven't actually heard what your ex said. If you really want to hear your ex, you can ask him / her the following questions. "I think I understand you and this is listening to what you are saying [and then reflecting what you are listening to], am I listening to you correctly?" Open your heart and listen to your source in a different way. I think it's hard to do this over and over again, but it's worth the effort if you're effectively raising children and protecting your children with your original partner and spouse!

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